My Little Secret…

So, throughout the last two years of hubby and I trying for a baby, I think I have been restraining myself very well. For the longest time we didn’t talk to anyone about it. I have also refrained from buying any of the cute items I have seen when out and about. At one point, I was thinking to myself that women make “Hope Chests” for when they get married one day, why couldn’t I make a “hope chest” for when we have a family one day? Is that completely nuts?

I never made the Hope Chest and I have not purchased anything! Not one item and that’s saying a lot because those little baby Christmas dresses and little baby sweater vests with ties are adorable! And who can resist that cute little Baby Bullet food chopper? Anyone would swoon over that right?

So, now that you know I have been figthing off a serious case of Baby Fever and winning…I want to tell you that I broke down on ONE item! When Becky Higgins put out the Baby Edition for Project Life, I just could not resist any longer! So, to help myself accept the news we got about Jas this week and help bring myself back up to a place of hope, I did something that some people might judge as completely ridiculous: I made a starting page for a future baby album.

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Left side: introducing ourselves and writing a personal letter.

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Right side: Talking about what steps of the infertility process we have been through so far.

I know that I am putting myself out there for judgement and that is why I was nervous to post this, but I am actually proud of myself for doing this and that is all that should matter. On the left side of the page I wrote a letter to my “future baby” telling him/her that I have been anxiously waiting and will never give up hope. It felt like such a release to get those feelings written down! And instead of always focusing on the negative, I finally wrote about the hope and faith that I have and it brought all those good feelings to the surface.

A while ago, it dawned on me that this infertility stuff is not something that I need to be embarassed about. It is not something that I chose, it is just one of the challenges that God has presented me with. So, that is when I finally started talking to people about it and writing about it. Now that I am more comfortable being open with our struggles, I thought I could handle adding it to a scrapbook. When Becky released the Baby Edition, there are a ton of journaling prompts about the pregnancy journey and getting ready for a baby. Well, in my mind, these two years of infertility are part of our pregnancy and journey and they should absolutely be included in our baby book.

Now, I am realistic, and know that there is a possiblity we may not have our own baby and may have to adopt one day. But in that case, I would still like to include all of this in the album to tell our future family how much we really wanted to have children! I want them to know that they aren’t even here yet and we love them and would do anything for them to get here!

Sheesh.

I am totally going to start this blog post with yet another cliche…and say “Where has the year gone?” Seriously, I just now realized that tomorrow is Halloween and the Holidays will be upon us in meer weeks!

I feel as if I have no sense of time for various reasons, but I am will to share two of them: 1) I have been incredibly busy lately (the good kind of busy) and 2) infertility is hard (it just turns into counting days, weeks, and cycles). With everything mixed in together I have not only felt completely overwhelmed, but I have felt like a complete slacker lately! I mean it…I didn’t even decorate for autumn, which is my FAVORITE season of the year! I am lucky I purchased pumpkins and put them on my front porch!! I only did that because I used them as props for my Halloween Mini Sessions! My big goal right now is to make sure I get a Christmas Tree up before December 25!

To address the infertility, I want to let everyone know that hubby and I completed the priliminary testing and everything came up normal. No red flags, no blockages, no hormonal deficiencies…nothing. On one hand that is amazing news to know that everything is working properly. But on the other hand, there aren’t many avenues for treatment possibilities with “unexplained infertility.” Our doctor said that we could try a few rounds of IUI, but we thought it best to put our money towards some life goals before tossing it into the Fertility Wishing Fountain.

That brings me to the next update topic…money, travels, home improvement…oh, my! Money is a challenge in every marriage, right? I hope so, because we have dealt with financial arguments every year we have been together! I think we have finally gotten to a more secure point in our lives and are really enjoying less money stress! We are debt free not counting the house, the car and my student loans! Yay! We don’t use credit cards and pay for most everything in cash! The cool part of that was paying for our upcoming trip to Mexico all at once in cash too! One of the best feelings ever!! Only rivaled by the awesome feeling of having lots of cash stashed in my Piggy Bank! Yes, I am THAT old school that I have a Piggy Bank in my scrapbook room! Ha ha! I am saving for that Canon 24-70mm lens I have been dreaming about! Once we put a little more cash into the savings account we are hoping to finish our basement remodel…which would be a huge weight off our shoulders! Fingers crossed for a large tax return?

Alright, I think that completes the updates. I just wanted to let everyone know how things have been, why I am struggling to get everything done and how hopeful I am for good things in the near future!

Anyone want to see some Project Life progress? I think I heard one yes whispered out there…so here you go! I am going to share Weeks 35 and 36. Week 35 was the week we purchased our new Mac computer to help me with portrait editing and I am IN LOVE with the machine! So, of course I devoted an entire page to it, right? I love the picture of my hubby…he is pointing at the computer with excitement, but it kind of looks like he is pointing at the pretty girl in the background! Hee hee!

Week 35, right side: I used a cool kit I found from an Instagram friend that’s awesome for making a recipe book from the Project Life supplies.I just used the kit to make one page, to display a couple of favorite recipes that we make at home. I actually really like the way this entire layout turned out. It’s very simple, not many embellishments. But just enough pop of color to make me happy!

This is Week 36, which was such a fun week for us! Curiosity landed on Mars, we ate out at Mongolian BBQ and went away for the weekend! I used one of the free quote cards from Becky’s creative team as the ‘title card’ and then made the embellishments match those colors.

Week 36, right side: we were feeling a little stressed and overwhelmed with all of the fertility testing, so we decided to take off for the mountains over the weekend! We borrowed the motorcycle from my Dad and went to Glenwood Springs! Glenwood is my absolute favorite weekend spot! We have gone there every year since we have been together and Hanging Lake, near Glenwood, is actually where my hubby proposed! This weekend we went on a small hike to a fireman’s memorial, went for a couple’s massage at the Vapor Caves and ate out at the Glenwood Brewery. It was just what we needed!

I made this template in PS Elements 10, to include a 8x photo as well five 4×4 photos. But this weekend I had more photos than that, so I made each small square a little collage. It’s a bit busy for my taste, but I love that all the photos are included and each can tell a story for itself!

That’s all for now! Thanks for stopping by and catching up! ~Jay